Friday, October 18, 2013

House for Sale....

You know what sucks?

Selling a house.

Yet another chapter of our lives is being written as we speak. Here is what has been written thus far:

Chapter 1: Filler up: A love story that started at a gas station
Chapter 2: Sioux Falls: Eloping and loving it
Chapter 3: Living in the Ghetto: How your car can be stolen twice in 30 days
Chapter 4: Working at a Bank: This shit sucks, I'm going to college
Chapter 5: College: Your welcome for marrying your daughter before tuition
Chapter 6: Knocked Up: Max
Chapter 7: Summa Cum Laude: That's right, I sure did
Chapter 8: Knocked Up: Tommy (aka- are you f-ing kidding me??!!) Max is 8 months old
Chapter 9: Brutus Our First Dog: I hate you
Chapter 10- 15: Childhood: It's all a blur because I'm so damn tired my eyes weren't open to see it
Chapter 16: House for Sale #1: Peace out Englewood
Chapter 17: Troy: Loving the past 8 years
Chapter 18: Chewy Our Second Dog: I hate you
Chapter 19: Camping: Read for yourself
Chapter 20: House for Sale: This sucks

These are very broad chapters of course. My life has been far richer than these brief 20 chapters could ever express.

But dammit I am ready for Chapter 21!

And you know what is going to be in Chapter 21?? It's going to start by pointing a giant middle finger at home showings I can tell you that much.

Good God showing a house is the worst! Cleaning your ass off, hurrying your kids and dog out the door without walking on the freshly vacuumed carpet or touching absolutely anything for fear a potential buyer might actually think that this is a house where people live day in and day out.....

Oh wait?? You mean this isn't a model home?? Staged to be pretty??

No dumbasses real people frolic around this house. Every day. If you look closely I just shoved dirty laundry in the dryer to hide it.

The best is the 3 timers. The jerks who "had" to see our house the 3rd time because they were definitely writing an offer but needed just one more peek all during hours while Dan and I were at work creating a scheduling nightmare, mostly for Dan, to take off work just to get the dog out.

Thanks people. Thanks for creating a conundrum for this family. Oh and thanks for offering to let our dog just stay in the garage all day so you can walk around with your stupid clipboard of "pro/cons" that I have imagined you to have.

You're very generous.

Chapter 21, I look forward to your beginning. Please hurry.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Happy 12th Birthday Tommy!

Where has the time gone? 

I remember like it was yesterday when you were born. 

I specifically remember waiting in recovery while they were prepping my room. It must have been a full moon because there were like a hundred emergency births.... or at least that was the crappy excuse the nurses gave me when I asked what was taking so long. 

You see, my son, it was getting late and you and I were having the best time hanging out. Time seemed to stand still. Hours passed and I realized Friends, mommy's favorite T.V. show, was about to air. 

At 5 till show time, I had a team of nurses running me down the hallways of the hospital. It was like your first roller coaster ride! 

Sure enough you and I were sitting front and center watching the hilarity of our good friends...Friends. 

I like to think this started our special bond. I also think this is why you feel the need to do daring and dangerous things. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled "Hurry! I'm going to miss my show!!!" to cause those nurses to run. 

Here's to you! I love you Tommy. You are my friend and my life. 

Happy Birthday!