Sunday, April 24, 2016

They call me a working man.

So this just happened.

For the record, I made that "drug test" comment for Dan. In the "random" drug tests at his work he almost always gets picked. It's kinda a joke in our house and also he is a strong believer in drug testing and saying no to drugs. Crack is whack kids. Just say no.

This is the text exchange between Dan and I while Max was in his very first ever job interview. 

A month ago Max approached us and said that now that he's sixteen he wanted to start earning money. 

Me: You want to get a job?

Max: Yes. 

Me (with a look of shock and horror): Why?? You have the rest of your life to work and working sucks. 

Dan: I'll tell you why, because his gas tank ain't gonna fill itself, is why. 

Coincidentally Max received his completion of his Driver's Ed Certificate in the mail today and now all he has to do is pass the actual driving test with the same flying colors that he passed his drug test. Then we will have a kid that drives and is employed. 

Fast forward a week and then this:

And as irony would have it Max took his test on 4/20 and passed! 

Guess who's never picking up random groceries again? 


No more bullshit errands for this girl! I'm hoping the "new driver" high will last until Tommy is sixteen. 

Dear Mom,

I totally get it. 


Now if everyone could do me a favor and join hands and bow your heads:
Dear Heavenly Father, please keep my son safe and clear the road of idiot drivers. Amen. 

This is a real game changer for the Hamlins. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2016


{insert sarcasm}
I'm not sure if anyone knows but I attended the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop last weekend. 

When I first arrived I actually sat in my car for ten minutes. Thoughts of What the hell am I doing here? and I'm not even a real writer! were sounding in my head. 

I walked in to find my life raft, Heidi. 

We were separated at birth, lucky to find each other again and she bitmojis. 

My new friends, Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff, said that it is important to have a friend without an agenda. Before my girls start blowing up my phone, I know I have many but I'm adding Heidi to my list. 

I furiously took notes. 

You read correctly, The Wendy Liebman. Also The Blogess is hilarious. 

I turned on the "sponge-mode" and took everything in. 

I learned that a blog should be 500 words or less and that I may have posted a few "chapters", which are around 2000 words. 

I also learned that there are people, just like me, who like to write but feel unworthy of the pen. 

I made business cards at the suggestion of an old high school friend. 

Read anything from Tracy Beckerman.

I realized how unimportant I was when:

1. I didn't really have much to put on it because Dan made me remove my cell number in case of serial killers. 

2. I'm still on AOL. 

I was shocked when people asked me for a card and as I fumbled to hand them one I prefaced with, "Please don't read my blog." 

I learned that Wendy also uses AOL, which made me feel like a rockstar. 

I'm not sure a 500 worded blog or even a 2000 worded chapter could fully describe all that I heard, saw, and learned. 

I can tell you that I laughed to the point of not feeling my cheeks. I met some fabulous women (and like six men) who inspired me with their stories and life experiences. 

I texted Dan during the night of our first dinner to tell him he need not reenact any scenes of Taken yet and that I felt wonderfully small around such huge people. 

I'm honestly not sure what my next step will be in the writing world. I am happy where I am because that is the realistic answer to that question but also because writers come in all sizes of Cabernets and Chardonnays.

I am no longer an Erma Virgin and am feeling Ermafied!

The Ermabar